My tribute to Wendy

Wendy Butler, who has lost her battle with pancreatic cancer (photo: Daily Mail)

Driving down the M40, my vision is blurred as I fight back the tears on my return from what I know is to be the final visit to see my friend Wendy. “This is not goodbye” she said to me as I got ready to depart, “We will speak and text over the next few weeks.” Wendy was right, we did continue to exchange texts over the two weeks after my visit – however the past few days have been quiet.

This is because, sadly, Wendy has lost her valiant fight with pancreatic cancer.

I first heard of Wendy when I got an email from a management consultant friend who told me she had a client who’s wife had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and would I speak to him. “Of course” I said, “Give him my details and tell him I am more than happy to speak to him.” The next I heard was that it was Wendy, not her husband who wanted to do the talking. Anyone who knew her will not be at all surprised she wanted to take charge of this situation – after all, she was used to being in charge – being a City high flyer.

On Tuesday 8^th February 2011, Wendy was diagnosed with inoperable pancreatic cancer that had spread to her liver and lungs. Wendy, only 55, had been for a routine company medical the week before where blood tests had identified abnormal liver function. An initial ultrasound scan revealed secondary cancers on her liver and the following CT scan showed the primary cancer – in the pancreas – along with further secondaries in her lungs.

My first conversation with Wendy was in the shoe department of Selfridges where I had snuck off to in between my London meetings that afternoon. The background noise in the phone call meant that I quickly had to confess to where I was, and where immediately, Wendy and I found common ground: our love of footwear – and lots of it! Of course, we had the pancreatic cancer diagnosis in common too.

I am sometimes a little nervous before I speak for the first time to other patients with pancreatic cancer – especially when they have inoperable disease with a terminal prognosis. Sometimes I find myself almost apologising for the fact that I am a survivor of the disease when I know full well (and so do they by the way) that they will not survive it.

With Wendy I didn’t have to worry. We got on from the moment we spoke. She wanted to know everything – up front and no messing. Her candid appraisal of her own situation took me aback a little, but was in itself refreshing. I soon learned that it wasn’t just a brave face – Wendy was plucky and brave throughout everything she had to endure over the past year.

“Know your enemy” was what Wendy said to me and this is exactly what she set out to do. Wendy’s needing to know everything plus her natural intelligence meant that she very quickly got to grips with the facts and the statistics of pancreatic cancer – a disease that she too hadn’t heard of before her own diagnosis. When Wendy’s CA19-9 (tumour marker for pancreatic cancer) was first recorded it was well over 247,000 U/mL – the highest reading I have ever heard of and I believe this was also the reaction of her oncologist at the time too. Typically of Wendy, each new reading, taken during her weekly chemotherapy sessions, was carefully plotted on a graph to track the progress she was making.

And for a long while, Wendy did make progress. The combination chemotherapy of Gemcitabine plus Capecitabine triggered a response in Wendy, and the tumour marker plots showed a significant downward trend and, after 6 cycles of chemo, her scans showed that there was also a reduction in her tumours.

Wendy’s attitude and fortitude not only got her through the chemotherapy and other physical and mental challenges, but Wendy has inspired thousands of others too – including me. Wendy’s husband, Peter, set up Wendy’s Army blog in order to communicate with friends and family what was happening to Wendy. However, word soon spread, the “Army” has grown and the blog is still getting thousands of followers. I know that Wendy and her family got a lot of encouragement from the supportive comments on the blog and Wendy’s fighting spirit, even after she has gone is continuing to inspire.

And inspire she has. Wendy for this past year has been an outspoken advocate for pancreatic cancer and a fabulous supporter of the work we have been doing here at Pancreatic Cancer Action. Wendy appeared in a feature article in the Daily Mail and has been interviewed by BBC Radio Oxfordshire twice. Wendy had a natural and eloquent style and managed to thread the awareness messages about pancreatic cancer into her personal yet not sensational portrayal of the disease.

Wendy has inspired work colleagues, past and present who themselves have embarked on an amazing fundraising and awareness raising campaign. We have seen colleagues cycle over 160 miles and 10 city bankers braved a charity skydive for Pancreatic Cancer Action (and yes, we did allow the bankers a parachute!) In total, Wendy’s colleagues have raised over £30,000 for us. A phenomenal amount we are putting towards improving early diagnosis of pancreatic cancer.

In July, Wendy travelled to Manchester where none other than Jenni Murray interviewed her for BBC Radio 4 Women’s Hour. That interview was repeated on New Year’s Eve when Wendy was chosen by the programme to be included in their 2011 Remarkable Women feature. Remarkable she was.

It was only last November that Wendy and I joined Bill and Sian along with Dr Rosemary Leonard on the BBC Breakfast sofa. Beforehand we had a long but excited conversation about the programme. About what we wanted to say – how I wanted to get across to the public that if patients get diagnosed in time for surgery they could have the same outcome as me and Wendy, despite the terminal prognosis, was determined to illustrate that chemotherapy can give you not only more time but quality time too. We discussed what we would wear – the outcome being that we ‘shoeaholics’ would be wearing our best LK Bennett heels (even though I have trouble walking in mine). No mean feat (groan) for Wendy as a side-effect of the chemo for her was a syndrome known as Palmar-Plantar or hand-foot syndrome which caused sore, peeling feet. Sadly the camera angles did not show off our heels – but we knew we were wearing them!

We all hear about quality of life in connection with cancer patients and it is something, especially those with a terminal prognosis, to weigh up versus treatment. Initially, Wendy had been told by her GP that it wouldn’t be worth her embarking on chemotherapy for pancreatic cancer, rather she should enjoy the final few months without nasty side effects and to have a good “quality of life” for the remainder of her time.

Being a fighter, Wendy wouldn’t accept that view and, for her at least, chemotherapy gave her nearly double the amount of time to be with and do things with her family and friends than she was originally told she would have. Until the last few weeks, Wendy’s quality of life was good – great even. She used to put me to shame by phoning me (while she was undergoing treatment) and telling me she had been on a 20 mile cycle ride that weekend plus had beaten a friend at tennis and been walking in-between!

One positive is that Wendy’s GP now has a much greater insight into pancreatic cancer – not only the disease itself but that for some patients, especially those who are fit, it is worth embarking on treatment. I know Wendy was pleased that she had influenced this change in view.

It is difficult seeing people who are in their final weeks of life; especially those who you have got to know and love. During my last meeting with Wendy we discussed how she was feeling and, remarkably, she told me that she was at peace with it all. Up until a couple of weeks before, Wendy had been in some pain and had spent a lot of time in hospital while having a more aggressive form of combination chemotherapy. Soon it was found that this was not having the desired effect but rather giving Wendy uncomfortable complications. The decision was made to stop the chemo, manage the pain with Wendy returning home for her final few weeks.

Our last conversation, in between hugs and tears was, surreally, a positive one. Wendy was now pain free and had come to terms with the fact that she was off chemo and had reached that final part of her journey – of her life. She said something that will stay with me forever. She said that written on her tombstone will be the date of her birth and the date of her death. In between there is a “dash”. She said that her “dash” had been fantastic, that she hasn’t regretted one moment of her life and that she has lived it to the full. This moving, resigned statement was uplifting. She was at peace. She knew that she was going to die and she had accepted her fate.

While uplifting, it still caused me to cry. Selfishly, I didn’t want my friend to die and I still wish I could pick up the ‘phone for a chat – if only to discuss the new shoes I’ve just seen. While handing me a tissue, Wendy said to me “This is a whole lot more difficult for you than it is for me.” Aghast, I couldn’t comprehend how my situation, that of a 4 ½ year pancreatic cancer survivor would be worse than hers. She told me that for her, she always knew the outcome of her pancreatic cancer: that one day in the near future she would succumb to it. However she said that for me, it would forever be hanging over me and I would have to live with the fear of it coming back for the rest of my life. And for Wendy, that was worse than knowing that you are actually going to die.

Perhaps so, but today’s blog is not about me.

Wendy died peacefully last evening with her loving family at her bedside

Rest in Peace Wendy. I will never forget you and nor will “the Army” or anyone lucky enough to have known you.

 Ali

- Posted by Admin on February 9, 2012

One Response to My tribute to Wendy

1. Pingback: Episode 13: The Muppets/Family Films/Big Miracle « ThirdRowCentre